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This is so dumb, but I'm upset and I'm hurting and I just need to get it out so it's somewhere other than my head. Just know that I know I'm an idiot for caring this much, for being the only person who probably does care this much, and I should just shut up and let things be what they are. I really do know that.
For a while now, I've been really dissatisfied with how siloed the game has gotten. And when I say siloed, I mean that it's to the point that it feels sometimes like there are literally people I'm not allowed to tag. I'm not talking about that there are some characters that just don't work in interactions with others for xyz reasons, or that there are people I or someone else have better writing chemistry with than others, or want to tag more often than we tag other people. That happens for us all! It's a natural part of the game! What I mean is that it seems, more and more often, that there are EPs or toplevels or what have you that it's sort of...unspokenly understood are only for a list of about five other people, and somehow everyone knows it, and if someone outside of that group tries to tag in it's just Weird and Not Okay. Which is a really shitty vibe to be getting, honestly.
I don't need to thread with every single character, or even every single person in the game! That's not what I'm saying, and quite frankly trying to do either within the space of a given month seems like it'd be a good way to write my way into a nervous collapse. And I love having my core group of people that I know I can rely on for threads and plotting and just talking about the game. That's great, and I never want that to go away, and I'm not arguing that it's a thing that should go away for anybody. We've all found our groups within the larger game, and that makes sense. It's natural. But, god, I also just want us all to feel like we can try things without it being a violation of some kind of secret rule. I want us to have the freedom to get inspired to tag someone new. I want us to feel like there's a chance for new interactions, new connections that might not pan out to anything much but that we had fun trying out, new...a lot of things. It would just be fun to try.
And yeah, this is stupid. This is dumb as hell because this is a game, this means nothing, and caring too much about pretendy funtimes that I know isn't "real writing" and is utterly unimportant is all the most useless thing I've ever done with my life, but...I still care. I love how much I love this, and how much I've done already, and how proud I am of so many of the things I've done in the game. I love it. It's pathetic how much I love it, honestly.
I'm not going to leave the game. I don't want to leave, and I'm stubborn enough that I don't want this to be the reason I do, because how dumb would that be? But I'm not sure what to do with everything I'm feeling, and I'm just so tired of carrying it all by myself. I need to feel like someone else hears me, please.
For a while now, I've been really dissatisfied with how siloed the game has gotten. And when I say siloed, I mean that it's to the point that it feels sometimes like there are literally people I'm not allowed to tag. I'm not talking about that there are some characters that just don't work in interactions with others for xyz reasons, or that there are people I or someone else have better writing chemistry with than others, or want to tag more often than we tag other people. That happens for us all! It's a natural part of the game! What I mean is that it seems, more and more often, that there are EPs or toplevels or what have you that it's sort of...unspokenly understood are only for a list of about five other people, and somehow everyone knows it, and if someone outside of that group tries to tag in it's just Weird and Not Okay. Which is a really shitty vibe to be getting, honestly.
I don't need to thread with every single character, or even every single person in the game! That's not what I'm saying, and quite frankly trying to do either within the space of a given month seems like it'd be a good way to write my way into a nervous collapse. And I love having my core group of people that I know I can rely on for threads and plotting and just talking about the game. That's great, and I never want that to go away, and I'm not arguing that it's a thing that should go away for anybody. We've all found our groups within the larger game, and that makes sense. It's natural. But, god, I also just want us all to feel like we can try things without it being a violation of some kind of secret rule. I want us to have the freedom to get inspired to tag someone new. I want us to feel like there's a chance for new interactions, new connections that might not pan out to anything much but that we had fun trying out, new...a lot of things. It would just be fun to try.
And yeah, this is stupid. This is dumb as hell because this is a game, this means nothing, and caring too much about pretendy funtimes that I know isn't "real writing" and is utterly unimportant is all the most useless thing I've ever done with my life, but...I still care. I love how much I love this, and how much I've done already, and how proud I am of so many of the things I've done in the game. I love it. It's pathetic how much I love it, honestly.
I'm not going to leave the game. I don't want to leave, and I'm stubborn enough that I don't want this to be the reason I do, because how dumb would that be? But I'm not sure what to do with everything I'm feeling, and I'm just so tired of carrying it all by myself. I need to feel like someone else hears me, please.